There is no one way to grieve or mourn nor is there one way to go through grief and mourning nor is there a time table, nor a “should do” list nor a calendar… Each of us need to find our own way to grieve and mourn (books and blogs are nice and can help but…)
It’s OK to grieve! It’s what we need to do…
And since there is no one way nor one right way, I believe that everyone should do it their way and do it in their own time. It’s not up to others to tell you how or when to grieve. When it’s time to do something, you will know it but it has to be when it feels right for you not when someone says you should do something or be something. It’s just different for each of us and we need to follow our own timetable and our own hearts. How ever long it takes, that’s how long it takes.
Ultimately, we all must grieve and mourn in our own way. From talking to many grief survivors over the past four years, I believe there are commonalities in what we experience that we can share to some extent but you still have to do it yourself in your own way.
We can get ideas from each other, from books, from support groups, friends and counsellors or other external sources (like blogs) and use them to help us. We can have friends and family to help us in our daily lives and people to talk to and share our journeys with but in the end, it’s about what works for you! It’s your journey!
We can also dilute the pain and emotional distress somewhat by sharing it with others. My strong feeling however, is that while we can (and probably should) take all the help we can get, you will still need to do your grief and mourning as it feels right to you, from your heart and your emotions and your mind and let it be itself and express as and when it will.
Remember too that you need to be aware that if your grieving turns to negative thoughts or behaviors it is important to seek professional help and support, especially if you find yourself falling into deep despair or thinking or acting out negative behaviors towards yourself or others.
As a thought about differences, the first month of my bereavement was a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, ideas and learning. For others I’ve talked to the whole first year is just a blur and was done in a daze and for still others, it was every way in between. The best thing I personally found to do was to just do it, to keep on keeping on, experience it and let it carry me along through the twists and turns, ebbs and flows and the waves crashing up on the shore of my being.